Rant - dühöngő, olyan is van.

I have not mentioned this before, but I have been asked to give my testimony at the meeting held concurrently with Budapest pride, and I have agreed to do so. That was on Saturday.

On Monday I had a great time praying and fasting with a good friend about all kinds of stuff that needs to change in Hungary.

Since then (it is now Wednesday night) I have had a really tough time. I realise this is not surprising as the enemy most certainly does not want me to take this step.

I was asked to give the testimony of my time in the gay lifestyle, my conversion, baptism in water, baptism in the Spirit, “coming out” and subsequent marriage. I have been asked not to admit that since then my sexual orientation has not changed much (though it has a bit), because that might not make things look good.

On Tuesday the enemy was saying things like: “What do you think you are doing? You say you have been delivered? Nothing has changed! You are still a fag! You know you couldn’t keep your eyes off that hot guy in the supermarket. You hypocrite!”

Then there are my well-meaning new Hungarian acquaintances thinking they can “fix” me. Giving me advice and quoting Bible verses, as though I had not heard everything multiple times over the last 40 years. So that has made me irritable and angry, I wish I just had someone to talk to, who would listen.

Despite much prayer, confession, tears, agony, depression, crying out to God, deliverance ministry, and finally acceptance, though I have been celibate for decades, I am still attracted to my own sex. However, through all this God has delivered me from the love of money, selfish ambition, envy, unforgiveness, holding grudges, lack of compassion, bitterness, and various other things. Were these any worse, or any better, than SSA, I wonder?

I just needed someone to talk to tonight. And I do not need you guys to “fix” me either, I just needed to say it, and someone to listen. That’s all.